DonnaLange.com

MY PURPOSE AND INSPIRATION

I seek your help in support of women and children's rights to pursue happiness.  We must work together in finding ways to join forces, to live in a peaceful world, allow every talent to be realized and every hand developed with the tools they posess to help themselves and others.  Help me with support and ideas to promote knowledge of organizations supporting these goals. 

Although a solo sail around the world, the totally volunteer team simplicity’s effort and faithful support over the many many months of this journey is the incredible unveiling blessing. As far as the sailing goes, there are only my two hands and two legs to sail this sturdy little ship on a solo venture, and they are on the verge of mutiny. As total ?black? seas break, still a thousand miles to anywhere, the reality of the ever precarious state of the old parts of the boat have been my shirt tail. Every other day, while I wallow and listen to the sails snapping themselves as if someone’s shaking out a dirty rug as they are back winded by the huge swells left behind by the blow that just passed, I expect to come on deck and see them blown out as did my old main sail months ago. But, with each peer above deck, there is still a full sheet of Dacron gathering what she can, pressing forward.

I had to change out the second propane tank last night. It was a partially full tank and disappeared too fast. Fear of leaks in the system creep into my thoughts. What would I do in this cold without hot tea or hot food? Just in case, I changed up the tank and fitting with a new spare. But then what if the new one leaks? I have to stop the thoughts, the tendency to dramatize; doubt must not win.

The constant G-forces on my body are adding to the visible similarity of myself, as my privilege to be a Nani, a Grandma. I had always thought sea captains look all drawn and wrinkled because of constant exposure to the elements, but I can see now that the acts of great gravity are also culprits. My body feels like it weighs twice what it does, as I pull myself up the steps of the companion way and work on deck. But that’s because it does weigh a lot more.

The pains and the constant demands of the conditions aboard are only manageable if my heart and mind remain focused on the purpose of my journey. The end is all that justifies such means. My reunion with family, spiritual growth through each stage of this challenge, and the potential of encouragement for others are the only things that keep me returning from the insanity of utility. I have nothing in this world to prove as a sailor, a competitor, a high adventurer, a risk junky; no records to make or break. Unlike Dee Cafaree on her solo east to west record making, the Avita Challenge England sail.

As two ships passing in the night, with two women sailing solo around the world (Donna Lange and Dee Caffari),one the east, one the west; we came within a hundred miles of each other near 42S 79E. I wish to acknowledge Dee's achievement and incredible sailing, as she has undertaken the same intense journey as I have. My goals are different but we have both struggled through some of the harshest conditions the body can handle. Dee has persevered this journey in hopes of establishing a new world record, while I have chosen to seek truth within herself, a level of self understanding and love that only the completion of this journey can illuminate.  It is very important to me that this intention be understood, as I have the utmost respect, encouragement, and recognition for all who seek to accomplish their goals, whatever the motivation.   

I embarked on this trip based on excerptations from the literature I read, not enough, pilot charts and anticipated dates of leaving and arriving. I chose a route and conditions I thought I could manage, given my past experience and the incredible investment in my little ship. But the sailing is not been at all what I had expected; each leg has been beyond my imagination in challenge, from the windward battle of the North Atlantic, to the maze of high pressure systems in the South Atlantic. Cape Hope was momentous, as could be expected, but the triangle of currents south of Africa, way south, had caught me. The southern ocean has given up few westerlies, and but for the east current that has kept me moving, I would be lost in the continually circling winds and variable conditions, though I am truly grateful to have skirted full hits of low systems thus far. I have a decision to make as to whether to sail through the bass strait, between Australia and Tasmania, or to sail south of Tasmania, staying in the open southern ocean currents. Then, I would turn northeast to the tip of New Zealand. The recommended route is to use the strait, but staying in open water should have steady winds, but so far steady wind is an oxymoronic term. Tom Outman, my ever faithful weather man, will keep comparable data available to decide. If it is necessary to go south, it would be better to decide earlier, and drift south gradually to absorb the three degrees of southing.

Without any navigation lights, because my mast head light was lost in the North Atlantic storms and loss of my onboard VHF, which leaves me with only a short range hand held VHF, heavy shipping traffic and need for constant vigilance, given the variable winds along the coast of Australia make for harder sailing. There are several good reasons to consider the south route. Yet the south ocean promises increased change of storm, high winds, colder temperatures, and a few added miles, which make use of the strait the more favorable sail. If I develop emergencies, then I will have to hit the Ausie coast. I have been able to get the engine up and running by by-passing the start switch, resolving both troubles at the switch and with the solo?? and the starter click. The engine is an important backup for use in the straits, where currents are a strong 25 knots. Being near land has a whole new set of risks and concerns. My thought is that the same storm that would make going through the bass strait a challenge, will be centered south and make the southern ocean also impassable. I plan to keep a 40S heading unless there is an Indian summer over the ocean or a typhoon over Ausie. That is possible, but two in one year…still possible.

The incredible encouragement that I have received is truly the hero to me. I’ll keep moving and the boat will keep sailing, but it is my psyche that determines my health. The natural and emotional cycles, self examination, and the sense of being thwarted is daunting. Day and night I climb the companion way, over and over, adjusting sails, weather helm, and steering vane; all the time attending to the changing wind direction and speed. Finally giving up a steady course and accepting the wandering line on the GPS track. The steering vane has been fabulous at steering the course where it is set, but with the varying and gusting conditions, it has no choice but to follow. The closer time comes to the southern hemisphere winter, I suspect to have gustier conditions.

Self examination can be a brutal and perilous trial at times, as psychologists, speaking of a psychological mind, I am often the parent judging and expecting more. Wondering, how could I have been so blind and done that? I can look at my past process of learning as insanity, to have repeated the same cycle and somehow expecting a different outcome. Then I feel like a child, releasing emotions, and saying that I did what I could, and trying my hardest to be all I needed to be, experiencing life; skills and talents, unable to conform, challenging life to reveal truth. In this whole process I can be able to choose life. Uncovering truth about myself and others, watch their reactions, the parent’s or the child’s perspectives that have not worked. I can be present and now choose to do what really works for me. I can choose what is kind, compassionate, effective, honest, and allows the flow of real love in life through me as well as sees my actions as affecting the whole oneness of all life.

Being alone in this simple environment I have experienced my own natural cycles removed from distraction, swinging from depression to enlightenment; back and forth. In depression it seems that all I can do is wait for the negative emotions to let go, so a smile can return to my heart. While depressed, any attempt to smile brings tears, sobbing tears. I have sobbed as never before. In the present while I am laughing at myself and the sea, I am both actor and observer, watching the experience I can see that the promise of my anger and accusation is false. The horrible feelings grew and I are no longer found it in present truth. I can beat myself up for past failures, but even that has become old. Only too one more time accept to Donna that has survived till now, buy whatever means. Embrace her and let go of guilt, regret, and grief, allow new potential to arise. My friend and ex-husband fletch wrote to me and I shared with him in a text a deep cry. He says “We cry when things change and can’t do anything about it. Smile and life seems to be in control. Don’t look back. Don’t doubt yourself. You are ever present with us here, thousands check on you daily, be present. You may be slow but you are moving; the tortoise didn’t worry about the race. Crying is good to clear out the ol’ brain. Cry, then smile; breathe in the cleanest air in the world. You’re all right babe. Stick to your task.”

I lost the end of each of those texts. The SMS lets you write 150 characters, but only delivers 120. I still appreciate this encouragement. Fletcher has known me since I was 16 years old and if anyone could judge me, it would be he. Instead he shares compassion, understanding, and a discerning word. It is very probable that not being able to be Nani, or being with my daughter with the birth of her second child, beautiful Jael Ahannah on March 15^th, triggered the strong sense of introspective loss and grief. Loss of control that brought on such tears. Thank god for the satalite phone that I was able to talk to her and be more present.

Texts full of encouragement have been the balm as I return again to the present to appreciate the Donna who has invested in life, lived full tilt, has many successes and tremendous successes surrounding her. I just need to keep on adjusting sail and trim to New Zealand. I have abandoned all normal life these past 8 years since a life changing tragic event, in a search. One more leg and the next chapter of my life can unfold. Only dreams for now.

I have been escorted by my brown angels I call them, the squadron of 8 flying brown birds. The tiniest of the birds, woody bird, a massive albatross, and a flock of silvery white small fairies who have remained incredibly faithful to come along and swoop ever-so close to me, greeting me as I work the lines. I have begun to be able to laugh at myself at this time. I talk to the albatross in an Ausie accent; to the fairies, I’m Irish; to the 8 fliers and to the woody bird, I’m a child. Ausie, and then New Zealand six weeks away. Not to worry. The boat will hold out, although the repair list for New Zealand gets longer and longer. For safety, too many journeys have found misfortune too close to their destination, this consumes any level of complacency. Though I knew the end of the stores: water, propane, sugar (can’t live without sugar for tea), chocolate that I have been rationing, I won’t starve.

The daily gentle understanding, input and confidence in me that I have received through text through my sat phone have carried me through when I could have lost hope in the purpose. The weekly call to my mom always lifts my heart to free me to let my life be what god has for me. Ptarmigan’s love and understanding have been holding the family torch, keeping us all in touch. Kristy, Coop, Keel, and Fletcher, who seem to have a knack for sending a text expressing their love and excitement for me to be fulfilling my dream, finding answers. ??? who has been a daily peaceable spirit and word of faith in my ability to complete my journey. As Tom faces his own deep battle with cancer he has never missed a forecast! Will and Neal investing so others can be encouraged by my successes. Thanks to all my team simplicity, sponsors, mentors children family. Best friends and always my mom from whom I get my spunk and endless optimism. She is getting married at 73 years old to a wonderful friend we have all loved. I have written a song: golden years of love. I long to be home for the wedding at the end of May. To those who have sailed this great ocean and returned to tell their tails we know how lucky we are both to have embarked and to have safely arrived to a distant sailing community home.

Only gratitude to all the sea winds, stars, and the man in the moon, visible from the south ocean, and in his care I am entrusted, confident I will sail safely to a truly new world. I came to the sea to find the truth of what is man, and I have found in men on all the earth, our unified energy of love. We have just to come to that great understanding that we are all one, and that through unity of heart there is so much more than enough for all to live a life full of fullness. I have new songs to share and new hope full of love and life to share with all I meet, organizations to encourage and to promote human potential dignity and unity, jam sessions waiting to be experienced, and as always a boat to fix. Always forward (KFB) much love to all fairest of winds and love, only gratitude! USCG Captain Donna Lange, my little ship sailing vessel inspired insanity, and Anam Cara my steering crew.

Donna wishes to acknowledge Dee's achievement and incredible sailing, as she has undertaken the same intense journey as Donna. Going East to West through the south ocean, and like Donna, crossing the North Atlantic against the current. Donna expresses the difference in goals of these two strong women, who so diligently pursue a similar path. These two women have struggled through some of the harshest conditions the body can handle, each for the pursuit of very different goals. Dee has persevered this journey in hopes of establishing a new world record, while Donna has chosen to seek truth within herself, a level of self understanding and love that only the completion of this journey can illuminate for her. It is very important to Donna that this intention be understood, as she has the utmost respect, encouragement, and recognition for all who seek to accomplish their goals, whatever the motivation.     

February 16, 2006 - Donna Lange
This document was transcribed by Kristy Brill (Donna's daughter) following a satellite phone call between Donna and Will Barbaeu just following Donna's passage of Cape Hope

 On this journey around the world, solo, there are momentous days and there are landmark days. I am rounding Cape Horn today at 40’18”30East, 300 miles south of the epic milestone. I am just over half way to my first destination of Auckland, New Zealand. The cape has been faithful to create a monumental moment of memory and of accomplishment here.

On February 11^th, via satalite phone, Tom Outman forecasts, from Roy weather, synopsis says that I will have 25 knots of wind for the day. In the previous days as well, the forecast projected to step-up that intensity. I would have 30 knots tomorrow, but in my mind it was just a step-up in degree. There wasn’t any great storm I was going to be dealing with, yet the day escalated to beyond 30 knots. There were gusts well above 40! Sails were down now; seas rising. I am in a gale. After that I was in my first South Atlantic gale. I could imagine I was in trough of a low below 50South. I had been studying the opton manual on meteorology, trying to make sense of the forecasts. My barometer was not working. I had very little to go on, except to respond to the experience moment by moment.

By the sunset the swells have come to be small mountains. I’m struggling to find the balance of sail, speed, and weather helm to keep the steering vane controlling my little ship. I am standing at the companion way for hours, mesmerized by the swells blowing crests. In an awe of each swell that lifts my stern, first into air, and then lets me fall. It is the world in reverse. I rarely look forward, except to get on deck and change sails or lash something that has come loose. My world approaches from behind.

I have repaired and worked the day before, in anticipation of my first South Ocean gale. I had no idea that it would hit me the very next day. I felt better knowing that I was prepared, and there was a synchronicity of having completed preparations intuitively the day before the storm. I was able to go below at times to rest for an hour once a day, and have balance. How big would this storm become? The escalating seems to have no bounds! The final gust before dawn came, and then a lull, and then a bigger gust, a lull. Next a gust that was a sigh, almost. A relinquishing of the momentum the next swell is tempered.

With the sun rise came the dawn, and the evading of the storm. I knew that it is a new world; winds back to south, not south-west, as the forecast had suggested. Somehow the forecast had missed this gale. By sunset the winds were breathing and lulling and gusting. Becalming, and then a breath. The vane was steering and I needed to get some rest, so I put in my ear plugs to hush the noises of the banging boom and the sails, as they breathe with the wind, back winding with each breath. At the end of the night the breeze took over and I was on course the next day, the winds backed again. Despite the forecast of the winds going south-west, they backed to east, south-east, to north-east, and then to north. As I looked at the new forecast for the next day, I realized why I had to tend the 34 knots again; north-west, west, south-west, and I had a cool temperature change.

It was another gale that was going to take me on. Even then as the wind picks up in the evening, the afternoon got squally. It was upon me already. I had spent the entire night on deck changing sails, pointer sails. Trying, the boat drove and then warped. Tom was giving me information on load sensors that didn’t make sense to me. Truly here it was confusion of information that created great anxiety. All of the sudden I am trying to stop and avoid a storm, which despite the forecast originally that it could pass over and go by 12 tense, confused hours, with unfavorable, gusty, 30-40 knot winds and a growing 15-20 foot swells. It really was confusion as for the best action, that wore me out. Once I decided to stay along on my course and just go with the storm, my tension released. And I decreased sails my goal to reach the north, north-west winds, for a course over ground of east. 

Sunlight brought a sudden huge gust of wind and a shift of wind to the west, south-west. The real gale was on!! Again, balancing forward speed through the water, while preventing an out of control surf was a challenge. I was at the companion way all day as the seas grew and grew. Gusts to 60 plus, water spewing through the air hurting your face as it blew off the top of breaking crests. One crest breaking over the stern, after another. Inwardly there is a helm breath, a peace, and a calm. I tended to be much calmer watching the ship take each wave, each swell breaking over the stern, rather than to be down below. There it would be just a sudden hit and a smashing of me up to the lee board. With an explosion against the hull, the water engulfing the ship as the foam rolls down the hatches. I would run to the companionway to check and see that all was still there and there would be increadible stillness about the outside. The cockpit would be full of water, up to the seats, but draining through the scuppers.

There was an incredible contrast of violence and then utter serenity, power and then tranquility of flow. By late afternoon the swells were at 45 feet, growing still with increasing winds. The breaking crests were steeper now. Now I am beginning to feel fear; the potential to capsize is increasing. The dynamics intensifying, yet the beauty and glory are beyond magnificent. The sunlight through the crests illuminating a gorgeous aqua green and blue. If you could imagine my 30 foot Southern Cross ship in a trough, as the swell comes from behind and lifts the stern to a 60 degree angle, up to the peak of what became 60foot swells, with a crash of the crests breaking over the stern and water pouring all around. The sounds intense; the crush, and the rush, and then a sudden lull. The boat is stalled as the peaks, with the foam and milky white sea, explode around me. The gust blows up sparking bubbles in the sunlight and the drifts form a huge scale-like pattern on the surface.

My birds are all dancing on the wind and across the crests. Even the smallest of my birds was there. Watching, them brought such peace, such harmony and joy interacting with such power and intensity. It was all flowing with my little ship, floating amidst it. I came to trust my ship more and more, her shape, her size, she felt perfect in the troughs. She did perfectly in the troughs, the steering vane was able to keep her in line. The huge swells were deep water around sea swells. The seas were terracing, that they would break taller and they would have an overhanging crest, but they were 15-20 feet. The fear, again, that creeps in is the reality that it’s still growing. Every minute the seas grew steeper, the gusts more intense. Suddenly the immensity of it’s potential is there.

How could I ever manage through a full low pressure gale? How can I do this for 7400 more miles? Gale after gale; it wasn’t the moment that overwhelmed me; it was the imagination of the potential of the sea. It is far too beyond my capacity to handle the omnipotent sea! The sea and the potential unknown is my adversary. In my own reasoning the storm should have started to abate with the sunset. It was at this point that I am straining to hear the lulls, searching on the horizon for a change in the swells that would mark a recession. Then I began to sing “Peace, Peace, Peace still the raging storm. Peace still the storm!” as the new gusts would blow I would sing. It was always I’d sang standing on the top step, watching the sun sink with the last hours of the day. I am looking to the horizon for a change and the lulls finally came. The swells became their mountains; the seas bouncing away. Then the mountains passed under me, the next would be less and in truly short time the relentless swells were gone. As the gusts blow through the waves, the moon passes behind the clouds.

The winds now 30 knots; I am careful to be sure to let out sail and be sure that the vane can steer. It is still 15-20 foot dangerous seas. By morning we are at 25 knots of wind and I am raising the main. The recession of wind and the adjusting of the sails would continue until some time again, when then again the sails are breathing with all thickness to breathe. There is a shift in the wind and then a shift in the seas. I am finding that no matter my course of my sails, I have a course of 040050. No matter how I adjust the sail or appoint the sails I have wandered too far north, or I have regressed into the northeast current. It’s created by the south ocean making it’s very last divide to go west, to the South Atlantic and east into the Indian ocean. It’s like a gulf stream and it has to be crossed. As long as the wind is light, I have no steerage and my course over ground is ? knots northeast.

As the breeze comes up, I am pointed nearly southwest to have course of 090 and as the night went on, a stronger breeze came up and I found I was able to sail. I adjusted sail and I was back on course. But I was determined to get south of 40 south; to get well under the westerly current despite the cold, once I passed through the east it will warm up a little. Now better than half way to New Zealand, I feel a rebounded energy, at least for the next four days. The forecast remains at 5-15 knots, shifting and waning continually, but all sailable. It should be enough to get me beyond 30 east.

The thought of doing another gale and the consideration of sailing a true low pressure storm is put far from my mind. I have repairs to do. The last major hit I took before the storm evaded was completely an engulfing of the companionway, with such force as to break the window. The water flooded into the salon leaving 2 inches of water, boots floating, and food spilled, gear all soaked. I scrambled there to switch on the bilge pump and then to look out to see that the steering vane and all the equipment was still with me.

The steering has so far been a test, from moment one. Delayed in leaving the pilot chart and all the norms have proven useless. The North Atlantic crossing, leading to wind came with 4 gales in 3 weeks, and 2 weeks of southern tropical depressions. Unheard of before, the trade winds were non-existent, as the tropical storms came around from the southwest the ITC’s were most predictable with continual squalls, as many as 10 a day were all with sail changes. The coast of Brazil brought endless south-easterly winds, far south of their norms, 25 south. There was left with a maze of high systems, not one big South Atlantic high, but a maze of high systems to cross, to find my way to the southern ocean. I was averaging only 60 miles a day for weeks at a time. Becalmed for a full week. I had had an injury during the first month on the North Atlantic. I had slipped and pulled a hamstring and I had a torn ligament in my right hip, which is still giving me a lot of trouble, still is very painful. So far behind schedule, I considered turning back and making it an Atlantic circumnavigation. Weeks delayed my arrival in New Zealand got closer and closer to their winter, but as it is now I will be sailing the ?? sea in May, not April, just short of the start of their winter. And well into their autumn gale season. I have only prospects of one challenge after another, from gales, to gales, to gales.

So I trust my little ship “Inspired Insanity” my steering vane “Anam Cara”, which means soul friend in gaelic; my pacific-100 wind generator, which is my only source of electricity. The alternator on the engine died in the first month, during the gales. It was so wet on the boat. As well as both my SSB receivers quit working. The SAT phone is my sole connection to any weather or reporting of my position.

This trip is about the joining of hearts and energy all around the world, with me and love. To see the realization of the potential of dreams and human capacity; it is revealing the reality of the oneness in the world and in all of the earth, all other people, and in the environment. My personal goals are growing, living moment by moment in a positive spiritual reality. More and more. My energy connects with the flow of energy all around me; to be in harmony and to be part of the sea, not in competition or in fear of her. She is certainly big and she will certainly win. I only desire to experience her. Certainly I have only respect for her immensity and power, and I am coming to experience that the power of the sea is the same power that empowers all in life: the very essence of love. There certainly is enough power; it is in the harnessing of that power, to bring health to all the worlds people, and hope to all people and organic life, that we are challenged to do. There is more than enough.

I trust I will be home amidst my children and my family during my interim in New Zealand. Come April, when I finish the second leg around Cape Horn. That faith is in my ship and in my own determination, but that faith is in god and in love and in the conscious connectedness of all energy. It gives me peace and confidence. It’s a miracle of peace that passes understanding to have a tranquil energy in the midst of the incredible potential of this great sea. Instead of terror, day and night, it is the beauty and glory. I have a privilege to experience the glory of the most magnificent god. I am surrounded by love and love’s potential. I have only gratitude.

 I have a list of thanks: my mom and tom and you and everybody that has done so much for me!!

Will: Can you tell me the exact time now where you are?

Donna: I actually keep the Eastern Standard Time so it is about 6 hours I should be about 19:00

Will: How is your food supply?

Donna: My food supply you know, I have just gone through. I found out exactly what I have and I have the rations set so I’m not going to starve and I just found another 2 lb bag of rice that was tucked away. It’s just a matter of having any variety but actually I have taken everything I had and stationed it for months. You know, for so, that I do have some different things to eat.

Will: What do you want me to do with this recording?

Donna: I don’t know, maybe it could be typed up and it could be a news letter that could go out to everybody, through Tina. She can send it out through my email list.

Will: I will send it to as many people as I can.

“Captain” Donna Lange

If you wish to contact Donna, please send your email to YOLOAdventure@AOL.com .  Your message will be forwarded to Donna as quickly as possible.